SOME THOUGHTS ON THE SECRET WAR

BY AJ DAZZY D (WHO VERY WELL MIGHT BE A SKRULL)

     Secret Invasion is on, the Skrulls are here.  What are we to make of it?  First, it is a given that this event, like all recent events in Marvel, will change things, but not really alter the basics of the Marvel U.  Second, it will purge more of the continuity in what seems to clearly be Marvel’s attempt to recraft their titles for young adult males and mass consumption.  So, keep an eye out for expendable characters getting the swan song.  Third, all changes will be immediately contradicted by after series spin-offs and the next event.  But the interesting thing is that Marvel is claim Bendis has been planning this since the New Avengers.  One has the deep suspicion that any so-called “clues” supposedly littered among the past few years’ publications are only clues in the loosest sense of the word.  But let us indulge in the idea.
     First a brief and dirty and probably somewhat inaccurate summary of the history of Skrulls:  Skrulls are arrogant pains in the neck that regularly pop up to make heroes look bad with their shape-shifting ways.  They were nice guys, then they hosted a contest between the Kree and some vegetable people.  The veggies won by creating the blue area on the dark side of the moon (which later became the on-again, off-again home of the Inhumans, who themselves were created by the Kree as weapons or some such nonsense).  Naturally, the Kree wiped out the Skrulls and thus started the eons long Skrull/Kree War in which somehow earth was a key strategic point for two interstellar civilizations.  They first appear in the Fantastic Four trying to make Marvel’s first family look bad to the world.  Reed Richards hypnotized them into cows and left them to cause all kinds of future problems (sort of reckless for a guy that’s always building prisons and exiling friends to distant planets).  There was some stuff with the Super Skrull, and then they jump in again with the Avengers.  Apparently, they make Iron Man and others look like total tools, and this puts us at the retcon Illuminati limited series (available for sale at Heroes and Villains on Russell Parkway).
     Techically, the Illuminati first appear in the New Avengers during the three part Sentry arc.  But the series starts just after the Kree/Skrull War Avenger arc where Iron Man wants to get the boys together to stop similar future threats.  The series is supposedly riddled with clues, but a careful reading shows that Black Bolt only appears to be located and freed off panel,  which isn’t exactly a blaring clue considering a recent FF had a story changing teleport occur off panel (and he doesn’t remember the Beyonder who was retconned into an inhuman for reasons unknown).  And the Breakout run on New Avengers is suppose to be linked up (and maybe the Secret War series), and seems to be since the site of the New Avengers’ first battle was oddly smashed when they came across it again in Secret Invasion one (unknown villains pay electro to break the pterodactyl guy out of the Raft if you recall). 
The opening shots have been built up, and SI one starts in the aftermath of Galaticus’s destruction of the Skrull throneworld.  Skrulls then meet with some female Skrull (possibly the believed to be dead former queen or her progressive daughter) on some unknown planet to plot the invasion.  This invasion conjures religious overtones with talk of passages from sacred books and prophesies (some words echoing the Ahillination wave).  “He loves you,” Skrulls utter before suicide attacking earth’s strong points.  Religious fanatic sleeper cells waging a global war with infiltration and suicide attacks—yeah, like that would ever happen!
So, what are the questions?

1. Who’s a Skrull? 
1. Known Skulls (stolen directly from Wikipedia like everyone else)
1. Elektra - revealed in New Avengers #31 (killed by Echo)
2. Black Bolt - revealed in New Avengers: Illuminati #5 (killed by Namor)
3. The Revolutionary of the Liberteens - revealed in Avengers: The Initiative Annual #1
4. Cobalt Man - revealed in Captain Marvel #3
5. Valentina Allegra de Fontaine - revealed in Secret Invasion Prologue
6. Dum Dum Dugan - revealed in Secret Invasion Prologue[
7. Edwin Jarvis - revealed in Secret Invasion #1
8. Henry Pym - revealed in Secret Invasion #1
9. Cyclone I - revealed in Captain Marvel #4 (killed by Captain Marvel, Skrull identity not public due to decimated remains)
10. Captain Marvel - revealed in Captain Marvel #5 (turns against the Skrulls)
2. Possible Skrulls
1. Spider-Woman:  She called the New Avengers, which directly resulted in all the heroes calling themselves Avengers being in the Savage Land when the Skrulls attack.  Plus, she took the Electra Skrull to Iron Man, which seemed non-skrully, but maybe that was the point.  Lastly, there’s talk she’s going to display surprisingly powerful blasts in the next Mighty Avengers.
2. Anybody who’s 1970s version didn’t pop out of the crashed Skrull transport (Spider-Woman, Iron Fist, Black Widow, Echo, Ares, and Sentry).  Here’s why:  nobody popped out that’s already a known Skrull.  There’s like four or five people that are dead.  Logan is confirmed (at least theoretically) as not a Skrull (as well as Echo) because of the last New Avengers where he fought a Skrull.  In the Director’s cut, Bendis emphasis this panel but suggests it could be all Skrulls. all humans, or even half and half.  First, all human would be stupid, and half and half is just cheating.  But they all appear to be Avengers except Emma Frost.  There are plenty of dead ends, but it’s a good place to look, and when you put a spotlight on something like that, either it pays off or you just plan to BS your way through everything.
3. Who’s been acting weird?
1. The director’s cut basically spells out that the Skrulls looked from difficult and hated people to replace.  People who no one question when they act out of character or like jerks. 
2. Hawkeye—he’s a bit too cool for school.  Plus, wasn’t he dead?
3. Spider-man—Brand new day fits into Spidey’s New Avenger stuff how?
4. Logan—He’s on so many teams it is like he’s in two places at once with a dozen or so missions going all at once.  Plus, he got his memories back, and he’s always a jerk.  (Okay, maybe this on is just a gripe).
5. Dr. Strange—he’s been kind of weakened lately.
6. Captain America—except he’s being written by people that think he’s more likely to fight the government than anyone else in his mission to protect America.  Though Cap’s body was fairly clearly not Skrully if that was it…
7. Dr. Doom could be one except he’s miswritten so badly you can’t tell if he’s acting out of character.  Plus, the Skrulls are suicidal, but not stupid.
3. Skrull connections
1. AIM was hiding a Skrull in the last Ms. Marvel issue.
2. Everyone involved in the Raft Breakout story.  Interestingly, Sentry got out then and later used a powerful psychic to “restore” memories.  Terrible writing or Skrull super scheme?—ah, the genius of Marvel’s stupidity.  Every continuity error is really a clue, right?!
3. Latveria was invaded by Fury (because they were supplying two-bit villains with super weapons, which was the plot of “acts of vengeance”, right?) and then Fury went underground, so maybe there’s a connection.
4. The Hand was being run by a Skrull.
5. The Hood suddenly grows a spine puts together an evil organization, and, indeed, his “demon” self could be the magical sub-species of Skrull, the ROM foes, Dire Wraiths.  But really, he’s just a little too on the ball for a character that isn’t Marvel royalty.  Plus, Pym’s a Skrull and he was playing hide the mouse with Tigra, then the Hood suddenly learns her identity and attacks her?
6. Anybody Kree is automatically connected by rule of lazy writing.  Ex: Inhumans, Hulkling (half), Marvel Boy.
7. Civil War—so, if SI was the cause of Civil War that would be the lamest thing ever.  And that’s pretty lame considering the depths Civil War took us to all on its lonesome.  But what side would the Skrulls be on?  Organized and trained heroes? 
2. Who’s behind this and why?
1. “He loves you”—this screams a god-like master planner.
1. The Beyonder is a terrible choice.  But he is god-like, and he was screwed with by the Illuminati.  In Secret Wars II, he decided to destroy the universe, but Mesphisto made a bet and Spider-Man defeated the Ghost Rider’s demon which won humanity… one more day (creepy).  He was somehow killed in that one, extra 24, but then it was revealed that he was one half of a cosmic cube sucked into this world during the accident that created Molecule Man.  He linked up with Molecule Man became a female “cosmic cube god-thing,” like the Skrull invented Shaper of Worlds.  But recently, He got yanked out , and Thanos, of all people, put him in a coma (killing him frees him/her)--but just after the Ahillination series the Beyonder was left floating in space.  Now, he also appeared in the Illuminati sooooo , who knows?
2. Super Skrull/the rest of the Skrulls to which we have no emotional attachment
1. Yawn.  When’s the last time you asked your self, “ Gee, I wonder what’s going on with Queen R’klll?”  Never, because the Skrulls are a bit 2-D, truth be told. But, whatever, because if it is some long lost Skrull Villain what kind of twist is that?  Super Skrull got some press in Ahillination, but doesn’t that make him less likely?
3. Loki
1. He’s been messing around with that Thor title nobody can figure out.  He is the classic villain of the Avengers, and shape shifters seem to be up his ally.  He’s god-like (technically giant, though).  He did once manipulate the Super Skrull into attacking Thor.  Unfortunately, “he” is now a she.
4. Shaper of Worlds
1. He’s Skrully.  He’s god-like.  And maybe he, like, went mad or something, but he really just doesn’t need to take over earth.  Of course, there was this whole dark childhood he had where he went totally sick-house on the Skrulls for years.  Unlikely.
5. Hulkling
1. Grandma decides half-breed son is the messiah?  Not a terrible idea.
6. What a Twist!  Shock value only reveals.
1. Cap, which would almost be interesting if they hadn’t bet the farm on his death being for real, real.  And same goes for the void.  Retcon the whole universe just to bait and switch?  Bendis would have to beat M. Night Shyamalan at his own game.  Iron Man = slap in face to readers.
2. Rick Jones, cause he stopped the Skrulls last time (though isn’t he dead or he was for like a month?)
3. Some coming of age event for a new-ish character like Hulk’s son.
7. StarBuck—no wait that’s were Marvel stole the idea….
3. What’s the likely outcome?
1. Somebody rides to the rescue (after a series of defeats that seem devastating).  But the villain will do some interesting things. 
2. This event somehow leads to the next event, and that next event is when “all will be revealed.”
3. Either they got the goods or not, but ultimately, even if they dared to do an occupation series, general status quo is coming back.
4. The purge continues.

     Let’s be honest.  We’re all going to read it, many are going to buy it.  But few of us can buy the hype that the Skrull invasion, is some uber-arc, with massive action.  World War Hulk took place in basically 72 hours, tops, in like a 100 mile radius, with 3 to 6 failed spin-offs; not exactly a “world war.”  But Marvel will march on toward a new Universe, and every property capable of being developed into a motion picture will stay put (though possibly through the betrayal of the fans), unless, of course, the death event would possibly churn enough buzz to get that project green-lit sooner.  Such seem to be the ideas these days in the house of ideas.  The previous paragraphs are speculation, but this last one you can take to the bank.